Does the thought of drinking with the employees of a software giant get you out of bed in the morning? Does the prospect of partying on weeknights at your place of business make you say, “This is where I want to work?” Then you should probably be an intern for Microsoft!

At least, that’s how Kim, the coolest Microsoft employee ever, thinks the average college brain operates. Take a look at the email she sent to prospective interns, and try not to cringe too many times.

microsoft email
Image credit: Gizmodo

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I’m no fuddy-duddy. I’m all for socializing with my co-workers and cutting loose. Although the fact that I’m using the phrase “cutting loose” seriously might lead you to believe otherwise. Either way, this goes beyond destressing at an office party.

I get that Kim is trying to put an emphasis on the work-life balance at Microsoft and connect with the younger generation, but she tried way too hard. She simply failed to maintain professionalism, and as a result, composed an email that would honestly scare me off had I received it.

The oversaturation of modern slang and desperation leads me to believe that Kim is secretly Katy Perry from the Last Friday Night music video… before the makeover.

LFN_KatyPerry_video
Image credit: Wikipedia

So, exactly what was Kim trying to say? Let’s break it down, shall we?

 

Kim said: “Hey bae intern!”

Kim meant: “Hi, important person!”

The opening paragraph is fairly straightforward, although using the word “crew” to describe your recruitment team is rather unusual. At least she didn’t say “squad.”

Kim said: “There will be hella noms, lots of dranks, the best beats”

Kim meant: “There will be large quantities of good food, ample amounts of beverages, catchy music to dance to”

 

Kim said: “we’re breaking out the Yammer beer pong tables!”

Yammer- a Microsoft owned social networking service for communicating within an organization

Kim meant: “we’ll be playing beer pong!”

 

Kim said: “Hell yes to getting lit on a Monday night.”

Kim meant: “It’ll be so cool getting drunk on a weeknight.”

 

And there you have it, folks. Best of luck to the interns who are brave enough to endure more of Kim trying to connect with them.

I can only hope the next Marlo social gathering will be this dope, and that we all turn up as hard as Kim does.

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